The Best of the RGOC Podcasts

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It is indeed a pleasure to be able to present you with another aspect of our Blog, and to make easy access available to you." The Best of The RGOC Podcasts" can be visisted by clicking on the link below. The page will open up in a new window, directly to Anchor Podcasts and you will be able to browse through the episodes and listen to your choices. 

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The Real Grandmothers of Charlotte

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Cheating in the Next Room

It's an unfortunate woe that has been around since time began and it has been a dreaded and feared situation for every couple that has fallen in love. It can creep into a seemingly happy and committed relationship, and it can blindside one or the other of the couple who have pledged their troth to each other, and maybe have settled into a bit too much complacency. It has happened to my best friends, and for those of you who follow this blog, you probably have read about Helena's brush with the dark side of infidelity and about Claudette and her discovery of another woman in her intended's life. Yes, I am talking about cheating, and this time I want to tell you about one of the times it happened to me.

I have to admit albeit grudgingly that men can be quite innovative when it comes to two timing in a relationship. I still don't know if they have to plan and scheme for it to happen, or if they are just some Svengali with a penchant for being on the wrong side of right and they can just fall into it without thinking. Judging from the excuses I have heard from my real life experiences, I'd have to say "no" because the most popular excuse seemed to be " I don't know, I didn't plan for this! It just happened!". These guys do their dirt without fear of being outed and caught in the act. Have you ladies heard that sorry line before from a pathetic creature? Who hasn't?

Here's what happened to me a while back, but I still think about it from time to time. My steady beau and I had to cancel our plans for a Saturday night date because he had something wrong with his car, and needed to work on it right away, at his friends house because he had all the necessary tools and know-how to get the job done. So, without any suspicions I said fine, I'd talk to him later, and he said sure he'd call later. I made myself content to spend the evening watching television and just chilling out because I had no reason to doubt his word. About an hour later, my friend Raquel called and when I told her I was on my own, she suggested we go hang out at Abe's Place and have a few drinks and play some spades.

Abe's was located in a building on the property of a guy whose name was Abraham Flower and he had it all decked out to resemble a club. You could listen to some low-down blues music, buy alcoholic beverages and what not ( no defining the "what not"), play cards and order chicken wings and fish sandwiches. It was commonly known as a juke joint and they were quite popular back in the day. Okay, I agreed to let her pick me up and we'd go hang out at Abe's for a while, and I liked the idea of getting in a good card game. Within an hour I was ready and she was blowing her car horn for me to come out.

The joint was rocking and popping and I felt in a party mood as we took our seats at the bar and ordered our drinks. It was scotch rocks for both of us. Raquel asked Abe ( who happened to be tending bar at the time) if there was a card game open, and he said that both of his "card rooms" were occupied at the moment. A serious high stakes poker game was already in progress in one of them and the other was rented out to a female friend of his who wanted to make a few extra bucks with some "friends" of hers. Raquel and I exchanged a look that said "Yeah, right! We know what the deal is"And really; it didn't take a stretch of the imagination to understand what that meant!

So, we nursed our drinks, and just sat around enjoying the music and the upbeat rhythm of the night for awhile. Some people that Raquel knew stopped by and we shot the breeze together until Abe came over and told us a room was opening up and a new card game was ready to start. We told him we were in and got down from our bar seats and picked up our fresh drinks. As I turned to follow the group to the card room I glanced across the room and gasped. At the same moment I dropped my drink and this action caught the attention of everyone near me. Oh no; I can't believe what I'm seeing!
Rooted to the spot, all I could do was cry.

Stay tuned to find out what Alexis saw...

Modern Day Designing Women

Does that title remind you of the popular 1980"s television show that portrayed four women in business for themselves? Yes, I'm sure it does! During the eighties era, most of us in the fifty something age group were in the middle of our third decade, and so we do have memories of lots of stuff from that time..big hair, leg warmers and leotards, high top sneakers and memorable television shows like Designing Women, Golden Girls, Murder, She Wrote, The Cosby Show and Miami Vice to name a few. But this is not about a walk down memory lane, but I want to talk about those of us women who are designing in an entirely different way; one that concerns the use of the word in not so flattering ways.

Manipulation and control issues are two unattractive traits that plaque us women today. Let's add in headstrong, self centered and tunnel vision and viola; we have quite a mix going on here! Most of us will agree that a positive and outgoing personality is a plus in today's society. We operate our own businesses, we are  CEO's CF O's and CO O's of major corporations, hold high level positions in government and have earned the name"Every Woman".  So, wouldn't it be an advantage to have a strong, healthy and extroverted persona? Of course all those traits are good and have their own uses and they can be  plus factors, but its when they are abused and taken way out of their intended description, and rather than enhance one's personality they are used as weapons. We have taken the Type A personality way out in left field and given it a bad name nowadays. Instead of being an asset it is very often considered a turn-off.

It's perfectly fine to assume the role of aggressive go-getter in today's world. Knowing what you want and how to get it is admirable. But, it is not permissible to club others over the head with our over-aggressiveness and headstrong attitudes. When we become single-minded in pursuit of our goals, or we use others as a means to an end, trust me; when we do it is NOT cool and it is NOT okay to say that "the end justifies the means". No sir, when we attain any amount of success or good fortune from stepping on the toes and riding the backs of others, that success becomes tainted and can lead to no good end.

The same principle can apply to how we regard and treat our friends. Friendship is one of the most important parts of our lives and its contributions to a healthy and prosperous life are many. Friends are the people we call on when we need a physical presence in our lives to comfort, listen to, and yes, even get advice from. Friends should be like family in that they should be loved and respected. How can we respect these special people in our lives when we use them to further our own agendas? When we hide behind a smile that doesn't quite reach our eyes and is totally false? Or, when we take something said out of context, betray a confidence and forget them when we have attained the success we so passionately sought after?

Ladies and gentlemen changes are bound to happen. The world has changed from three decades ago, and I can guarantee that it will be a changed place ten years from now. Change is progressive and necessary amid its uncomfortableness. But there is one thing that should not change no matter how ultra-modern the world becomes, and that's personal integrity and standards of excellence. Every human being should have a personal code of ethics that they live by on a daily basis. This code should always play a front and center role in our dealings with people. And outside of business we should extend that code to family, friends and anyone we meet and deal with. In other words, we can simplify it by saying that "never do behind closed doors what you can't do in front of an open one". Meaning, what really matters is what we do when no one is looking at us and the Golden Rule"Do unto others as we would have them do unto us".

Never use your friends to do anything that you wouldn't do yourself. Don't put them in compromising positions that threaten their own code of ethics. Don't scowl on an innocent friend who wants to help out but doesn't know how, and please don't ever try to bully or intimidate someone into doing your bidding or agreeing with you. Think of giving and not just getting. Self interest designs are faulty and they don't hold up very well under pressure. Severe cracks will develop in the foundation of anything built on this premise, and that self-serving tunnel vision can blind you to what lies ahead around the bend in the road.

Its always best to be fair and square when dealing with people from all walks of life. You will never go wrong when your  blueprints are carefully drawn out and the models you use are common decency, respect, love, admiration and true compassion as your template for a wonderful and enjoyably successful life!

All Aboard the Sooooul Train!

When I began watching Soul Train I thought it was the coolest and the hippest show on television. Don Cornelius was one of the smoothest cats around with his rich velvety baritone voice. Of course the afro hairstyle he wore when the show debuted was just fly, and I was partial to this hairstyle anyway because for years I myself had worn one. I fashioned myself after one of my 70's era heroes...or should I say "sheroes"...Ms. Angela Davis. I was a fist pumping, afro wearing, "Power to the People" kind of a girl, whose everyday language was peppered with such colorful phrases as "solid", "cool cat", "hippest dude", and of course the most popular one that is still used today..."Right On!"

While I watched the different singing groups do their thing on Soul Train, and the Soul Train Dancers get their groove on, I got into the spirit of things by mimicing the dances and lip-syncing along with the singers with my trusty hairbrush for a makeshift microphone. I sang along with Gladys Knight & The Pips, Peaches & Herb, The Four Tops, Aretha Franklin and The Delfonics, and got all dreamy-eyed, hot and bothered by the rich soulfulness of Barry White just to name a few. 

I don't think there was a Black American group out there that did not perform on Soul Train at least once in their careers. It was a fabulous showcase for new artists and a marvelous venue for those that were established in the world of music and entertainment. It was not the easiest thing to do for a Black man to make his way in the entertainment world during the 1970's. But Don Cornelius did, and he made a success out of his show and left his mark after years of providing us with quality and fun and what will forever be one of the best musical variety shows on television.

This was not meant to be an ode to Don Cornelius, but just a simple remembrance of something that brought me joy and happiness for an hour on Saturdays amid my otherwise dull, lackluster and boring existence. Dancing can unlease a myriad of emotions in us, not the least of which is a freeing sort of sensuality. Dancing is a great tension reliever, and a creative means of communication. Whether it was the Hustle or  something made up from a mixture of older dances like The Jerk, The Swim, The Horse, or The Running Man (progressive eras in dance) just being able to cut loose to the beat and work up a sweat freed the mind and relaxed the body.

The Soul Train line lives on afterdecades of popularity at wedding receptions, cabarets, and other parties. The Soul Train line will get everybody out on the dance floor and no partner is required. I believe it will be immortal and will never lose its appeal or its effectiveness at bringing out the part animal in all of us. Nothing can compare to the rush of heading down the line showing off your moves and keeping perfect timing to the rhythm and the beat. I feel like I can get up and bust a move right now!

So the next time you're dreading that same old routine of vacuuming and dusting, just put on some Frankie Beverly & Maze, or some O'Jays and get your groove on! Put down that broom and fancy yourself strutting down the soul train line and then clap your hands, snap your fingers and stomp your feet. Let's get it o with Love...Peace...and Sooooul!

What Happens in Kingston Stays in Kingston (Part One)

The flight from Charlotte was smooth and quite pleasant, and the short layover they had in Atlanta didn't faze them one bit. Of course, having first class seats and sipping champagne all the way was an added comfort bonus. Nothing but top shelf for these ladies! When they landed at Norman Manley Airport, there was a luxury town car waiting for them, complete with a liveried driver holding up a sign that read "The Diva Ladies from America". Now who else could that be but them?

Clearing customs had been a breeze , and they proceeded to baggage claim to get hold of the mountain of luggage that belonged to them. As they stood waiting at the carousel for their stuff to come around, they chatted about what they would do first with the remainder of the evening. They kept time to the rhythm of the island music as they patiently waited. The music was lively and the mix of the other instruments coming together in perfect harmony just increased their sense of well-being and excitement.

Finally they began to see some pieces that belonged to them appear on the carousel. Alexis reached for her two pieces of matching Ralph Lauren, while Claudette could see hers and Helena's coming up next. Bonnie helped Claudette and Helena pull their five pieces of Channel off the belt, a porter approached them and asked if they required assistance in loading their bags. Since he was standing there with a huge luggage rack, there was no point in turning down his help. He went ahead and started to pile on the stuff handling the designer luggage with care.  And just as they were starting to get a little concerned about Bonnie's bags, they rolled out of the opening on the belt.


The porter reached for them as Bonnie began to, thus softly colliding with her and touching her hand. Bonnie was a little startled as she looked up at him. She was momentarily nonplussed and she could have sworn that she felt a spark when their hands touched. The look he gave her lasted only a second, but that second in time spoke volumes. She did not mistake the smolder she saw there or the barest of smiles he gave her as he straightened from picking up the luggage. Hmm, she just might have the beginnings of an island romance going on here! She had to admit that it was a thrilling thought to consider; getting close to an ebony eyed brown skinned brother and being carefree for a little while.

The ladies had discussed this very possibility days ago. They knew it was a possibility that they might meet someone. Being women of a certain age did not stop them from having normal desires and romantic thoughts. But they were smart and sophisticated enough to establish boundaries and keep themselves safe and protected at all times.

They climbed inside of the town car, luxuriating in the dim coolness of the interior where once again they were listening to island music. The driver introduced himself to them as Delray Major, and that he would be at their complete disposal the entire time they were here. He was absolutely adorable in his uniform and with his smooth old world charm. His accent was beautiful, and the ladies all agreed that he was such a lovely man...probably in his early to mid sixties  and well-groomed. In unison, they thanked him and confirmed the address of their house and then they were on their way!


In between shared laughter, some pretty raunchy jokes, and dancing in their seats, the ladies took in the passing scenery. Helena made a special toast to Claudette for planning the perfect vacation, and for the attention to detail she had given to everything. It had been agreed that they would unpack, have a refreshing shower and then dine at a nearby native restaurant that provided their guests with a late seating dinner. Bonnie had said she'd want to take a brief nap, so it was decided that naps would indeed be welcomed by everyone. No use trying to enjoy the evening with tired eyes and stiff joints, so the order of the evening had been established; unpacking, naps, showers and then...let the good times roll!

F.O.C.U.S. Finding Our Center Under Stress

Women have juggled their time and themselves for years trying to find an acceptable work/life balance. Most of us have been quite successful at doing so. And included under the umbrella of “family” is being a wife in addition to Mother and homemaker. Actually, if we were illustrating an organizational chart, those neat little squares might read something like this:

Put the FOCUS  on YOU!

 Business Woman and/or Homemaker

Chauffeur/ Sports Mom/Volunteer

Daughter/Sister/Friend Confidante

Woman/Wife

And so many women; especially the wives and mothers in the 30-45 year old category find themselves in a pattern just like this one. A vast majority work outside of the home either independently, or as an employee in some area, but as an aside being a full time homeworker is a 24 hr. a day job. These wives and moms are so occupied with their children and keeping the home fires burning, and wearing the daughter and sibling hat. Then there are the numerous extra-curricular activities with the children, and being the secret keeper for our friends. Sadly, being a woman and a wife comes last on the never-ending list of “things to do”. Now, if there is a wife and mother out there that can dispute this theory, then I would think that is fantastic!

What I would like to effectively point out is that society has placed a great deal of this burden on women. There is social peer pressure (the need to conform to some standards that have been dictated by socio-economic variables) and there is the self-imposed standard (the individual family dynamic) that is existential to the social aspect. There are two separate and demanding sets of requirements that are essential to the family. Although they are sometimes conflicting and seemingly impossible to meet the personal drive to give it the ole college overrides any deterrent.

No woman sets out to intentionally put herself last on the totem pole. Life happens and that’s usually the way it ends up. After the honeymoon and she settles into a comfortable routine, she becomes a mother. She takes a leave of absence from the job she dreamed of having; the one she worked hard to land so that she can be a full time Mom and get the children off to a great start in life. This is the most common reason why a successfully educated working woman takes a break from the working world.

Of course there are several other reasons. Economic situations and job related issues are just two others. Whatever the reason, once Mom comes home for an extended period of time, the harder it is for her to return. Once her uniform of the day becomes jeans and tee shirts, it’s hard for her to resume wearing tailored business suits and high heels as her daily mode of dress. What a significant number of these women wish for is unknown to their husbands and probably most of their friends and family. They don’t share this because some don’t want to seem ungrateful or they worry that they might appear to be selfish. What am I saying? Just that a significant number of women ages 30-45 who are currently out of the public worksphere are actually are ready to go back to their outside jobs.

And it’s not only for the paycheck (although that could be reason enough), but for several other reasons; all of them valid and totally realistic. Let me list a couple. She may want the daily interaction of adult conversation about some things other than what new curtains she can purchase for the living room, and she may want to use the college degree she worked so hard to earn. At the top of the list is maybe she wants to spend money that she earned.

A generous husband and a wonderful family provider is a true blessing. And on the flip side of the coin, there are lots of wives who do prefer to remain off the public work market. They have a deep sense of fulfillment as a full time Mom and place the welfare of their family as their top priority. No one can say which woman is right or wrong. Does the woman who dreams about going back to her Engineering job, or her Paralegal position, or her Marketing Consultant Firm seem selfish? Does the stay at home Mom seem non-assertive or passive?

There is no black or white here. This is filled with varying shades of gray and all of them are plausible and personal and conform to each individual family dynamic. No one looking in from the outside has the right to judge. Living in the role of acrobatic juggler just to keep a family going is hard enough without others offering up criticism about something that is none of our business anyway. Family members outside of the household and friends who “mean well” need to step aside and mind your own business. If you are going to toss in your two cents worth anyway, then make it something positive or uplifting. If you are in the role of friend or family member and you just can’t seem to keep your mouth shut, then stay at home!

My hat is off to the 21^st century ultra-modern day working Mother/Woman/Wife. I salute you and all that you do! But just one little parting bit of encouragement and simply an “FYI”…be sure to make time for yourself and please…make time to be with your hubby. Don’t always put “woman/wife” at the bottom of your organizational chart. Invest in a reliable nanny or part time sitter so you can enjoy some “you” time alone and the occasional date night with the man you share your life with. It’s a solid investment and one that can only bring you huge dividends and fabulous return!