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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Modern Day Designing Women

Does that title remind you of the popular 1980"s television show that portrayed four women in business for themselves? Yes, I'm sure it does! During the eighties era, most of us in the fifty something age group were in the middle of our third decade, and so we do have memories of lots of stuff from that time..big hair, leg warmers and leotards, high top sneakers and memorable television shows like Designing Women, Golden Girls, Murder, She Wrote, The Cosby Show and Miami Vice to name a few. But this is not about a walk down memory lane, but I want to talk about those of us women who are designing in an entirely different way; one that concerns the use of the word in not so flattering ways.

Manipulation and control issues are two unattractive traits that plaque us women today. Let's add in headstrong, self centered and tunnel vision and viola; we have quite a mix going on here! Most of us will agree that a positive and outgoing personality is a plus in today's society. We operate our own businesses, we are  CEO's CF O's and CO O's of major corporations, hold high level positions in government and have earned the name"Every Woman".  So, wouldn't it be an advantage to have a strong, healthy and extroverted persona? Of course all those traits are good and have their own uses and they can be  plus factors, but its when they are abused and taken way out of their intended description, and rather than enhance one's personality they are used as weapons. We have taken the Type A personality way out in left field and given it a bad name nowadays. Instead of being an asset it is very often considered a turn-off.

It's perfectly fine to assume the role of aggressive go-getter in today's world. Knowing what you want and how to get it is admirable. But, it is not permissible to club others over the head with our over-aggressiveness and headstrong attitudes. When we become single-minded in pursuit of our goals, or we use others as a means to an end, trust me; when we do it is NOT cool and it is NOT okay to say that "the end justifies the means". No sir, when we attain any amount of success or good fortune from stepping on the toes and riding the backs of others, that success becomes tainted and can lead to no good end.

The same principle can apply to how we regard and treat our friends. Friendship is one of the most important parts of our lives and its contributions to a healthy and prosperous life are many. Friends are the people we call on when we need a physical presence in our lives to comfort, listen to, and yes, even get advice from. Friends should be like family in that they should be loved and respected. How can we respect these special people in our lives when we use them to further our own agendas? When we hide behind a smile that doesn't quite reach our eyes and is totally false? Or, when we take something said out of context, betray a confidence and forget them when we have attained the success we so passionately sought after?

Ladies and gentlemen changes are bound to happen. The world has changed from three decades ago, and I can guarantee that it will be a changed place ten years from now. Change is progressive and necessary amid its uncomfortableness. But there is one thing that should not change no matter how ultra-modern the world becomes, and that's personal integrity and standards of excellence. Every human being should have a personal code of ethics that they live by on a daily basis. This code should always play a front and center role in our dealings with people. And outside of business we should extend that code to family, friends and anyone we meet and deal with. In other words, we can simplify it by saying that "never do behind closed doors what you can't do in front of an open one". Meaning, what really matters is what we do when no one is looking at us and the Golden Rule"Do unto others as we would have them do unto us".

Never use your friends to do anything that you wouldn't do yourself. Don't put them in compromising positions that threaten their own code of ethics. Don't scowl on an innocent friend who wants to help out but doesn't know how, and please don't ever try to bully or intimidate someone into doing your bidding or agreeing with you. Think of giving and not just getting. Self interest designs are faulty and they don't hold up very well under pressure. Severe cracks will develop in the foundation of anything built on this premise, and that self-serving tunnel vision can blind you to what lies ahead around the bend in the road.

Its always best to be fair and square when dealing with people from all walks of life. You will never go wrong when your  blueprints are carefully drawn out and the models you use are common decency, respect, love, admiration and true compassion as your template for a wonderful and enjoyably successful life!

1 comment:

rcp said...

Hey queencitydame, it's Rhonda @ the library - why can I see only a couple days' posts? I'm lovin' what I've read so far...
holla