Women
have juggled their time and themselves for years trying to find an acceptable
work/life balance. Most of us have been quite successful at doing so. And
included under the umbrella of “family”
is being a wife in addition to Mother and homemaker. Actually, if we were
illustrating an organizational chart, those neat little squares might read something
like this:
Business Woman
and/or Homemaker
 |
| Put the FOCUS on YOU! |
Chauffeur/ Sports
Mom/Volunteer
Daughter/Sister/Friend
Confidante
Woman/Wife
And
so many women; especially the wives and mothers in the 30-45 year old category
find themselves in a pattern just like this one. A vast majority work outside
of the home either independently, or as an employee in some area, but as an
aside being a full time homeworker is a 24 hr. a day job. These wives and moms
are so occupied with their children and keeping the home fires burning, and
wearing the daughter and sibling hat. Then there are the numerous
extra-curricular activities with the children, and being the secret keeper for
our friends. Sadly, being a woman and a wife comes last on the never-ending
list of “things to do”. Now, if there is a wife and mother out there that can
dispute this theory, then I would think that is fantastic!
What
I would like to effectively point out is that society has placed a great deal
of this burden on women. There is social peer pressure (the need to conform to
some standards that have been dictated by socio-economic variables) and there
is the self-imposed standard (the individual family dynamic) that is
existential to the social aspect. There are two separate and demanding sets of
requirements that are essential to the family. Although they are sometimes
conflicting and seemingly impossible to meet the personal drive to give it the
ole college overrides any deterrent.
No
woman sets out to intentionally put herself last on the totem pole. Life
happens and that’s usually the way it ends up. After the honeymoon and she
settles into a comfortable routine, she becomes a mother. She takes a leave of
absence from the job she dreamed of having; the one she worked hard to land so
that she can be a full time Mom and get the children off to a great start in
life. This is the most common reason why a successfully educated working woman
takes a break from the working world.
Of
course there are several other reasons. Economic situations and job related
issues are just two others. Whatever the reason, once Mom comes home for an
extended period of time, the harder it is for her to return. Once her uniform
of the day becomes jeans and tee shirts, it’s hard for her to resume wearing
tailored business suits and high heels as her daily mode of dress. What a
significant number of these women wish for is unknown to their husbands and
probably most of their friends and family. They don’t share this because some
don’t want to seem ungrateful or they worry that they might appear to be
selfish. What am I saying? Just that a significant number of women ages 30-45
who are currently out of the public worksphere are actually are ready to go
back to their outside jobs.
And
it’s not only for the paycheck (although that could be reason enough), but for
several other reasons; all of them valid and totally realistic. Let me list a
couple. She may want the daily interaction of adult conversation about some
things other than what new curtains she can purchase for the living room, and
she may want to use the college degree she worked so hard to earn. At the top
of the list is maybe she wants to spend money that she earned.
A
generous husband and a wonderful family provider is a true blessing. And on the
flip side of the coin, there are lots of wives who do prefer to remain off the
public work market. They have a deep sense of fulfillment as a full time Mom
and place the welfare of their family as their top priority. No one can say
which woman is right or wrong. Does the woman who dreams about going back to
her Engineering job, or her Paralegal position, or her Marketing Consultant
Firm seem selfish? Does the stay at home Mom seem non-assertive or passive?
There
is no black or white here. This is filled with varying shades of gray and all
of them are plausible and personal and conform to each individual family
dynamic. No one looking in from the outside has the right to judge. Living in
the role of acrobatic juggler just to keep a family going is hard enough
without others offering up criticism about something that is none of our
business anyway. Family members outside of the household and friends who “mean
well” need to step aside and mind your own business. If you are going to toss
in your two cents worth anyway, then make it something positive or uplifting.
If you are in the role of friend or family member and you just can’t seem to
keep your mouth shut, then stay at home!
My
hat is off to the 21st century ultra-modern day working
Mother/Woman/Wife. I salute you and all that you do! But just one little
parting bit of encouragement and simply an “FYI”…be
sure to make time for yourself and please…make time to be with your hubby.
Don’t always put “woman/wife” at the
bottom of your organizational chart. Invest in a reliable nanny or part time
sitter so you can enjoy some “you” time
alone and the occasional date night with the man you share your life with. It’s
a solid investment and one that can only bring you huge dividends and fabulous
return!
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