Sin and Redemption

When the music has stopped playing, when daylight has replaced the night, when silence is all that can be heard and when there's no place left to hide...what remains is glaring reality.  Revenge and its reverberating after shocks has been celebrated realized. The strange effects of a well-played and falsely gratifying act of betrayal has turned into a hollow victory that has left a sour taste and an empty feeling where the rhythm of a normal beating heart once was. Her world had shrunk down to the dimensions of her master suite from which she had left only a few times to make quick trips to the kitchen for coffee, and to answer the door to accept the pizza deliveries.

Claudette was completely alienated from her friends. What did she expect after all that she had done? But, you see therein lies the caveat. She didn't expect anything from them.  She knew that her actions would alienate her from the women who had been her friends for twenty five years. At least one of them had probably been her true friend. There were others in Claudette's world who had been more than happy to report back to her about the overheard conversations, and snide remarks whispered behind closed doors that they had covertly been privy to. These fair weather friends had gleefully attached themselves to her and behaved as if they were doing her a favor by bringing her information. She truly regretted having to distance herself from Bonnie though, but there was no help for it. Her friendship with Bonnie ended up as collateral damage.

As far as Alexis was concerned, she was fully aware that they only tolerated each other for the sake of appearances, and although Claudette didn't exactly dislike Alexis, there was definitely no love lost between them either. and she fully realized that by sleeping with Stanford Jr., she had crossed all lines and had broken so many trusts that now as she resided in her own private hell, all shreds of self respect and common decency had disappeared.

It had been a full week since the last part of the destructive plan had been played out. She had been sure that her absence wouldn't take long to detect when she had slipped away from Bonnie's house. To make things seem normal and not to arouse suspicion too early, she had followed the crowd down to the garden where the main party event was being held, carefully being nonchalant and chatty as they strolled across the lavish lawn where so many people were mingling, eating and drinking gaily. No one had an inkling of what was to come.

Honor's arrival with Goddess and her sidekick was precisely timed. Claudette had stood behind Alexis and watched the planned scene unfold until the predetermined moment arrived for her to slip away unnoticed was when Helena had everyone's attention and was acting out her part just as if she was on a Broadway stage that Claudette silently turned and walked away; weaving through the crowd that had gathered to watch the drama.

She had gone straight to her home, and gone underground. Fortunately for her, La Monica (her youngest daughter) was to be away for two weeks, making it easy for Claudette to seclude herself without having to make any conversation or explanations for the recent tragedy of events. Now that the week was coming to a close, she'd had an excess of time to gloat, to pat herself on the back, to try and reassure herself that what she did was justifiable, and now that she had run the gamut of celbratory self denial, other feelings were creeping in her subconscious.

These feelings were jockeying for first place in her mind. They wanted to be prominent and upstage the previous feelings she'd managed to enjoy for a few days. The fact that she'd feel victorious and jubilant when Helena finally got what was coming to her was the only thing that spurred her on to see this malevolent plot through to the finish. In her twisted mind, Helena had become the enemy that must be dealt with, in the most harshest way possible.

Well, it had worked out precisely the way she and Honor had visualized and planned for. The look of absolute shock followed immediately by a look of so much hurt and disbelief that had shown on Helena's face was tragic. Claudette had felt exulted when she first watched these emotions play across her former friend's face. That same exultation had sustained her for three days. But when she woke up this morning from a night filled with bad dreams and plagued with horrible images of Satan and hell fire, she began to feel regret and remorse. She realized with a heavy thudding of her heart that she would no longer be able to keep these self-recriminations at bay. They were about to surface  in a thundering second act.

Everywhere she looked she saw shapeless images that played a stealthy game with her; advancing and retreating. She had begun to hear noises and strange sounds. She had begun to be wary of the shadows in the corner of her room, where she saw the accusatory faces of her friends. She could still smell the cloying odor of the sex she'd had with Helena's son. She saw his unsuspecting face when she looked in the mirror.

Redemption. Is that what she needed? Would she ever find it? Did she deserve it? So many questions; she felt as if her brain would explode. Collateral damage, sinner, whore, slut, sin...the awful stench of what she had done was overpowering her. What would she do and where could she turn?

This is a Man's World... Stanford's Story

But it wouldn't be nothing...nothing without a woman or a girl. Men have assumed the aggressive role in the male-female relationship since the beginning of time. But it takes a special man who is not afraid to follow his heart and to set his mind on giving the heart what it wants. He must be the sort of man who doesn't give up easily and who doesn't play mind games, and is dedicated to the pursuit of excellence.

One particular example comes to mind with the cave man and his macho possessiveness toward his woman. A cave man would use brute strength to pick her up and toss her over his shoulder and literally carry her away to his own cave dwelling. Now I say that here was a man who knew what he wanted and wasn't shy about going to get it. Not to say that I agree with any man using brute strength for any reason with a woman, but admittedly there is some appeal to the prospect of a man taking on a proactive part in going after and getting his woman. And this can be especially appealing when the man is someone who was tripping your trigger anyway and someone you can imagine a future with. Not so wonderful if the man whose pursuing you is a first class nut job.


Stanford Clayton had had plenty of time to consider the results of his violent actions toward his wife. He had spent time in jail while waiting for his bail to be arranged, and after his release he went home to an empty house, knowing that his wife was still confined to the hospital bed mending from the wounds he had inflicted on her. His children had become estranged because of the drama and the tragedy that had exploded within the family. His employees were reserved (to say the least) in their attitudes toward him and even his own parents had become almost alienated from him.  He could half-way deal with all of this, but the only forgiveness he wanted was from his wife. He had forgiven Helena for her affair, but he had yet to forgive himself for the awful things he had done.

He wandered about the huge house all day in sadness and recrimination. He slept most of the mornings away since sleep eluded him at night; most nights it was two-three in the mornings when he would finally fall into a fitful sleep that was haunted by the images of Helena bruised and battered and sobbing and screaming. When he wasn't having what passed for sleep and he was awake he was plagued by images of her and Griffin McCoy...her wrapped in his arms and his hands all over her.

Several times Stanford had become physically ill because he could not shut down his thoughts and his mind had become a battlefield of dark and sickening places that even the daylight hours could hardly chase away. He absolutely had to do something to turn all of this around. But, he was forbidden by law to visit the hospital. He could not call her. He had managed to get his daughter to listen to him for five minutes during which he begged her to please tell Helena how sorry he was and to please forgive him. She had reluctantly agreed to pass along his message, but she did not come back to him with a reply.

He still loved his wife with all that he had. He did not want to lose her, and he wanted desperately to get their old life back. He was more than willing to put his heart and his soul into rebuilding their marriage and reclaiming their love, for he was convinced that with time Helena would admit that she was still in love with him too. He knew that she must have truly felt something for Griffin because he knew his wife's character and she would not have jeopardized her perfect lifestyle for just a few physical encounters. What was the hardest for him to admit to himself was that he had played a major role in her infidelity. He had dropped the ball somewhere along the way, and although he could not excuse her affair, he could understand her reasons for having it.

Stanford vowed to re engineer himself into a better husband if...no; when she came home and they could begin to put back together the broken pieces of the life they shared. As fragile as their bond was now, he would hold onto hope because hope was all he had right now. Never having been a spiritual man, he had just recently discovered that what he truly needed in his life was God; a serious and real relationship with God. It was the one and only way he could fully recover from his own darkness and help his wife out of hers so they could mend their relationship was to let in the light of God's love and forgiveness.

Yes, Stanford was a man on a mission and the sooner he could begin that mission the better. And what better way to start than on his knees.


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