Wednesday, November 9, 2011

No More Sex in This City...

Bonita Powell has a chronic case of mistaken identity. She mistakes her real self for someone else  every time she becomes involved with a new man, by reinventing herself to be just what and who she believes her current lover wants her to be. She will make any concessions she feels necessary to her looks, her personality and her lifestyle to be as accommodating as possible because she also mistakes the attention and lustful desires she receives from men as something real and  meaningful.

She has sought for real and lasting love all of her adult life. With three marriages and several semi-long term relationships gone awry in her life, Bonnie has finally discovered that there is a critical need for a major change in her life. Women who feel as if they are incomplete without a man in their life, or women who mistakenly associate a physical relationship with love will take all kinds of counterproductive measures to keep a man around. They sell themselves and their worth extremely short and will go through severe self-denial just to make sure he stays around.

The catalyst in this particular case for Bonnie was the fact that the man she had been currently involved with for a while had a real aversion to sharing her with her grandchildren. At first she thought he was kidding. Oh sure...he had made remarks from time to time about stealing her way from them but she had always thought it was in jest, so she laughed it off. The last time they had a conversation where he asked her to go away and she told him she had made plans with her granddaughter, he didn't pull any punches and just flat out told her he didn't want to be involved with a woman who couldn't give him her undivided attention. He was forcing her to make a choice, confident that her choice would be him.

Stunned and really hurt, she had almost gone the other way on this...his way. Ashamed of herself for feeling this way for even a minute, she started to take a long look at herself, and at how she had lived her life. The sad and brutal truth of the matter was that Bonnie was a bed hopper. A fifty-something year old intelligent, attractive, reasonably sane woman...she was a bed hopper. She associated sex, desire and lust with love, and was willing in most of her relationships to compromise her values, her standards, her religious beliefs for physical intimacy that was not even that good most of the time. Like a teenaged school girl, she thought that as long as she "put out" she would keep her man.

Time after time she rode this merry-go-round. She would fall in and out of love so often it was just pathetic. And because of the frequency of her involvements, most of the time she didn't even pretend to be in love. She was in love with the idea of the regularity of a  Saturday night date, having an escort for dances and going on trips (when on very frequent occasions she had paid her own way), and the comfort of having a man call her up on the phone at 3am when he couldn't sleep and ask her to come over. The price she paid for having a "plus one" in her life was to always be available with her body.

The revelation that came to Bonnie was that she had to grow up, even at her age. She had to learn to love and respect herself putting her love for God first and that no man was worth sacrificing her identity, her family and certainly not risking her salvation over. It took a while, but finally she came to some hard realizations and vowed that things would improve from that day on. The next time she met a man...and she was in no big hurry at all to do so; she would debut the new and improved woman.

She started to make all kinds of plans to revamp herself from the over-eager beaver manizer she had always been into a woman who could love being in her own good company with a good book and a hot cup of tea or a good glass of wine on a Saturday night. And she would start organizing Ladies Night Out with her friends where she could bask in the glow of sisterhood and catch up with what was going on with them.

Satisfied with the new perspective she had on her life, she sat down in her over-stuffed comfortable chair with her phone and her inner resolve. She was going to call Avery Hampton and officially break up with him. They had been incommunicado for the past week but there had been no formal goodbyes said. It would be a personal triumph for her to be the one to end it for a change. Smiling to herself she muted the button on her television remote and punched in his number.  "Hey...Hamp; it's me Bonnie..."

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