Can't Buy Me Love...Helena's Story

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an’t buy me love, love, everybody tells me so. Can’t buy me love ..no..no..no..no..no!*  One of the clearest revelations that Helena Clayton had while being confined to her hospital bed was that her husband Stanford had spent the better part of their married life trying to buy her and to keep her bought. She didn’t even have to search the recesses of her mind to arrive at this. Suddenly it just appeared to her as clear as glass that he had constantly paid her off in material possessions, cash, trinkets and gifts and all the while she was either totally clueless or very adept at mastering the art of repression.

The burning question she was now faced with was could she have known all along that the married love she thought they had shared was based on a monetary foundation? And fresh on the heels of that was an even worse possibility; could she have known and chosen to ignore it, opting for the dollar signs and what money could buy?

Arranged marriages and contract alliances don’t even try to disguise the fact that money pays a huge part in their lives together. But for couples who supposedly marry for love and mutual honor and respect are not supposed to put dollar signs in the forefront of their lives. As she recalled the times from their courtship and engagement and their early years as a married couple, she didn’t remember anything significant that may have alerted her to consider trouble ahead because of money, and she didn’t remember Stanford doing anything out of the ordinary. He came from a wealthy family and was used to living a life of privilege.

She was from a middle class family and her parents provided the basic comforts of life for her and her siblings, and although they had many extras such as dance and piano lessons for the girls, and sports for the boys, it was known that there was a budget that must be kept so that their lifestyle could be maintained. Helena and her sisters Rosalind (Rosie Gal”) and Amy Anne along with her brothers Michael Thomas (“Pooch”) and Alexander Joseph (“JoJo”) appreciated the few luxuries her parents could afford and none of then ever took anything for granted. They may not have belonged to the upper crust of society like the Claytons, but her Mom and Dad were honest salt of the earth people who did their best for them and loved each other without indiscretion and were still Mr.& Mrs. Thomas Joseph Yancey for nearly sixty years.

Her daughter had delivered the message from Stanford about him being sorry and all. The thing is Helena could believe it. She felt the ring of truth to his appeal. And she had faced the cold, awful, damning truth about herself; that she was ultimately responsible for what had happened. She had pushed the envelope over the edge by first of all having the affair with Griffin, while knowing that he and Stanford were “acquainted”, and worst of all by admitting to sleeping with another man. She had played with fire by dangling the affair in front of her friends…her very best friends who had given her unfailing support always and even in this terrible mess had proven to still love her without interruption.

She had not only thrown all caution to the wind and danced with danger by not trying to be discreet so the rage that her husband had felt and its subsequent effects came as no surprise to her, but that didn’t mean she condoned violence and the physical injury he had caused her, but it did mean she could understand his hurt and his pain because she was the inflictor. She had every intention of forgiving him and dropping all charges against him in court and going back home if he wanted her.

If he had tried to buy her love, wasn’t she just as wrong if she willingly allowed him to continue doing it? Shouldn’t she have talked to him about it and let him know that the money and privilege was nowhere near as important to her as he was? Instead she had let him think for years that without the huge house and all of its appointments, the new cars, the unsupervised spending on shopping trips, luxury vacations and the prestige of being Mrs. Stanford Clayton were the basis for her living. She fell in love with him right after they first met and has loved him ever since.

Her affair happened because she was an attention hog. It had to always be about her, and because her hard-working husband was working 60 hours a week and maybe hadn’t paid as much attention to her as a result, she fell prey (willingly) to a man who paid her a few compliments and noticed her designer outfits and her $100 hairdos. Yes, it’s true what they say about hindsight. There was a lot of hard work ahead if she and her husband could agree to salvage the shreds of their marriage and start over again building them up, and this time money would not play as important a part as it always had.

The sun would shine again in her life and of that she was as sure as she was of who she is: Helena Charlene Yancey Clayton. She was actually excited about becoming a new woman, a better person who would then be ready to be a better wife and friend to her husband. Thank God for grace and mercy and forgiveness, and she would make the first move. She would call her home and speak to her husband and she would be comforted by the familiar sound of his voice. Some things would never change…and for that she was grateful.

*Excerpt from “Can’t Buy Me Love by “The Beatles”.

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Broken Promises...Broken Vows

The four of us have been as close as sisters for most of our adult lives. We have shared heartbreaks, heartaches, and cried together so many times I would never be able to count. We have shared our family troubles, our individual joys, our collective laughter and overall good times with each other. In other words, we have been down in the valleys and up on the mountain tops holding hands, praying or celebrating and not one single time has any of us had to be alone whether in sorrow or in joy. That is why three of us from our sisterhood are feeling side-swiped, confused and hurt...so very hurt over what we have just discovered about our dear friend Helena Clayton.

We knew about the extramarital affair she had been involved in for a while now. She never did try to hide it from us. She told us about how this man she had met had expressed interest in her and she was going to take him up on his offer to have lunch. After a few causal lunches with him, she admitted to us that he had told her that he wanted to become more intimate and that he was falling in love with her. I guess it could have been sheer excitement, the thrill of an adventure or just a death wish on her part that made her agree to cheat on her husband. She was falling hard for this man named Griffin McCoy.

It certainly was not because she was a neglected wife; real or imagined because anyone who personally knew Stanford Clayton knew of his unwavering devotion and his deep love for his beautiful wife. And he loved her just because she was who she was to him and not because she was an exceptionally beautiful and sexy woman. Now that I take stock of this situation, for the very first time in the history of our friendship, I am beginning to realize that Helena had a whole other side to her personality, and I'd wager that neither Claudette or Bonnie had a clue existed.

Stanford had snapped when he came face to face with the bitter truth about where his wife was spending her afternoons, and recently a couple of entire weekends. He had been duped not only by the woman he was married to...supposedly for life but also by a man he had called friend. True, Helena was really unaware that her husband and her lover knew each other.

 He never let on that he knew Stanford beyond speaking with him when he was at the Audi dealership (of which he was part owner) shopping for Helena's new car that he bought as a surprise birthday gift last year, when in fact he had played golf with this man and had attended several professional basketball games later that year at his invitation. When Stanford and Griffin found out they both had the same favorite NBA team, they became fast friends as a love of sports will do for most men.

Helena suffered several lacerations and bruises, a concussion and a broken arm and collarbone; souvenirs from the violent outburst and subsequent fight between her and Stanford. He has been arrested and is now out on bail pending a court appearance. Their children and grandchildren are devastated, embarrassed and hurt, as well as bewildered. They cannot imagine why their beloved Mother would cheapen herself and stoop to an affair while being married to the most wonderful man on the planet.

And worse they are still trying to wrap their head around the fact that their Father...a man who was always like a solid rock for the family, had never laid a hand on any of them growing up, and rarely raised his voice at anyone could become this angry monster who in a fit of rage nearly killed his wife.

When he realized what he had done, Stanford called 911 and reported the whole thing himself. He didn't resist arrest when the officers took him away. Fortunately for him, his attorney was already at the jailhouse and saw them bring him in, and it was not on a weekend so Stanford was able to arrange bail expeditiously. His attorney and long-time friend called Claudette because he knew that out of the four of us, Claudette and Helena are the closest.

We have been to see our sister in the hospital and have done our best to be cheerful and supportive of her at this time. We still love her no matter what. That's the depth of our friendship for each other, and when she is released she is going to stay with Claudette for a few days until all of this sorry mess can be addressed.
Til death do us part. How many couples repeat these words to each other in sincerity and in what we know at the time to be an unfailing love?

These words are meant to refer to natural causes in the life cycle, or circumstances that are acts of God. How many couples are faced with the realization that sometimes it can come from their own hand or the hand of the one they love? Love is a many resplendent thing but when it takes a wrong turn on an off ramp of lies and deceit it can be a very, very dangerous...thing.