When a Woman Loves a Man

 

 

Remember what it felt like to fall in love for the very first time? It was so special. It was mind blowing, earth shattering and exciting ecstasy. It was also a scary, stomach churning and nerve-wracking bittersweet misery. Being reminiscent of our first experience with falling in love, it was around age fifteen (on an average), and we probably experienced a falling in love episode at least every six months or so. We could fall in and out of love at breakneck speed, and each time we began the experience it was as if it was for the first time with all of the butterflies and the wonderment.

Those times were innocent in spite of the experimentation that we all did with certain activities involving the boys we were in love with. They were awkward, yet possessing a passion that was both tender and potent. Some boys were more knowledgeable than others, and they were often called “bad boys”. And didn’t every young girl (regardless of her social status, or her family background) secretly entertain thoughts and desires to be possessed by a bad boy? You know the type; arrogant high school delinquent who smoked and drank hard liquor, had no curfews, drove a fast car he had rebuilt with his own hands, and always had girls waiting in line to be with him.

As we grew older, we stopped falling in love as easily but no less passionately. We still have a hidden susceptibility to the attraction of a bad boy. Only now, he is older, better looking, more arrogant and self- possessed and has more money. He can afford to wine and dine us and make our hearts flutter in different and much more intimate ways that often border on the raucous. This man can manifest himself in our dreams, in our private moments and he can haunt us with his sullen ways that both attract and repel us.

What’s love got to do with it? Just about everything. Heart and soul, fire and desire, the willingness to overcome any obstacle to being with this man that may present itself, and a determination born of an almost desperate  desire to possess and be possessed. No mountain is too high to climb, no river is too wide to cross and no problem is too hard to solve if it tries to separate us from the man we love. We will disregard common sense, all practical reasoning, all objectivity and lose ourselves in the sheer moments of pleasure when we are with him.

Sometimes this kind of deep loving can cloud our perspectives and affect our judgment. We get ourselves into all kinds of trouble when we allow feelings to rule our entire life. Love is a beautiful thing; it is a normal human emotion. But it can be deadly to our emotional health and even physically if our minds become obsessed with an unnatural love. Many women have fallen prey to the dark side of love and have been victims of an abusive love. Many women have committed violent acts in the name of love because of a proprietary jealousy.

But it’s true that we give our all to a man when we love. Even if we’re not sure we will get what we give in return. Doesn’t matter, it’s all or nothing. Some of you may disagree with me, but that’s okay. You’re entitled to your opinion, but think about what you feel right now, or what you felt when you realized you were in love with someone. That someone can be your husband or your boyfriend, or someone from your past. You won’t have much difficulty thinking back to how you waited for a phone call, how distressed you became when he was late or didn’t show up at all with no explanation, or even worse…how you felt when you imagined him with someone else.

Love…is a many splendor thing, and it’s great when we can keep it that way; untarnished by jealousy, envy, mistrust or infidelity. But that won’t stop us from loving and it won’t stop us from giving.  The stakes are high and sometimes the odds are not in our favor but we are in it to win it…all or nothing with our hearts on fire.

The Invisible Woman

The invisible woman. Perhaps you have seen her. She is the middle-aged mature woman that shops at her neighborhood supermarket, worships in church on Sundays, browses through a local branch of the library and buys her clothes at several big name department stores. She comes and goes from her home to work, visiting friends and waves at her neighbors. Sometimes she gets the chance to spend quality time with her close family.

Her clothes are well-chosen and smart. Her appearance and grooming is always immaculate and stylish. Intelligent conversation and a quick wit spice up her personality. This woman is no slacker. She's always had an excellent work ethic and lives up to the highest of moral and ethical standards.

Well...here is a woman that should command a very high visibility judging from the descriptive paragraphs above. One would automatically assume that this particular woman would lead a busy social life and be a hip member of her in-crowd. Let me tell you that the case involved here is totally the oppposite.

For all intents and purposes, this woman may as well be invisible. All of the previously mentioned accolades and observations are true and accurate. But, in spite of all of the above, she is invisible to the opposite sex. That's right; men. 

Some men that she encounters on a purely everyday situation such as in a supermarket, at the gas pump, in line at Starbucks, or in the waiting room of the mechanic while the oil is being changed in her car...will either avoid eye contact completely; or ignore her attempts at a simple smile and a friendly invitation to conversation.

She may be smiling just for the pure fun of it; because the weather is beautiful...or she feels special that day. She might want to strike up a conversation to pass the time. It's not an impossibility that she may be a people person and find it fun getting to know others. Every routine effort to be friendly is not...I repeat not an invitation to something else!

But...these days if any of the aforementioned scenarios take place, most men have either mumbled a few unintelligible words and made a hasty exit in the opposite direction, or ...(and this is one of her favorites) managed to bring up the fact that he is married in the second sentence of the conversation! Here's a for instance. She was outside her favorite supermarket one fine summer morning browsing and admiring the new array of bedding plants. There was a man nearby doing the same thing. He mentioned the marigolds to her first; noting how healthy and beautiful they were.

She agreed cheerfully (but not overly so...merely cordial) and threw in that she really liked the growth rate and the hardiness of marigolds. The next sentence out of his mouth was how his wife planted them every year. Where did that come from? Was she standing next to him? No. Was she waiting in the car watching his every move? No. He wanted to make it clear that he was off limits just in the off chance that she would come onto him.

Isn't that just sad...just pure pathetic? A woman cannot utter a complete sentence before a man thinks she's flirting! And please don't allow your eyes to wander in the direction of a man doing his own shopping. If you get too close to him, he'll bolt like a scared baby rabbit.

And her all time favorite is the conversation that a man will hold with who knows who to avoid the look or the slightest possibility that she may speak to him while standing in line anywhere. Suddenly, it is imperative that he makes a phone call that ends just as suddenly the moment he gets to the cashier to place his order! Then, he feels safe enough to tuck away his phone...place his order and busy himself with payment, etc. so he can make his escape as quick as possible.

What was once a perplexing enigma has now become a source of amusement for our sophisticated and savvy woman. She enjoys making a man feel uncomfortable in these situations, and feels that if he is unable to hold his own and not feel threatened by a person of her caliber, then that's his problem! No sweat off her nose. She smiles and laughs anyway and finds a great source of amusement in his dilemma.

So, our girl is slowly accepting of the fact that good, strong, confident men are a scarcity; especially in her age group. She is happy being who she is, living a good life and being her own person even if that life is independent of a special male relationship. Until he comes along (and he WILL come along one day) she is content in her own skin. Smiling, and taking care of business one day at a time and appreciating each and every one of the days she is blessed to live in.

Life...is good.

Three Faces in the Mirror

Everything about this night had a surreal quality to it and strangely that served to only add to the heightened adventure of the night ahead. From the moment I left my house until the moment I had arrived at our previously agreed upon destination I had felt the detached reality of it all. I remember thinking that 'This was it. This was the point of no return'. Other ridiculous thoughts entered into my mind at that time; stuff that didn't make any sense at all. Random, disconnected thoughts like 'here is where the rubber hits the road' and 'if you had any sense at all...you'd run like the hounds of hell were on your heels.'

But I paid no heed to the last minute warnings and imaginary flashing caution lights in my head. Right...(no...there was nothing right about what I was going to do); so wrong or whatever...I was here I was going through with it and there was no turning back. I came to divide and conquer and that was just what I intended to do. There was one small pesky thought that had popped up in my mind just before I left home. I had finished dressing and was taking one last look at my makeup in the bathroom mirror, and as I started to turn away from the mirror something caused me to look back at my reflection.

I stood there and stared at myself for a moment and I did form a mental picture of myself...three pictures actually. I looked at myself as a warm and loving mother and grandmother, a helpful and pleasant co-worker and (this was the latest addition) a wanton and unscrupulous woman. The smile that I had on my face right then assured me that this was the most fun personality I had and I was certainly looking forward to my rendezvous and I was determined to squelch any feelings of trepidation or second thoughts.

My heart beat seemed to match the click of my high heels against the pavement as I walked across the hotel parking lot. Excitement and nervousness competed with each other inside of me. I felt so alive; more alive than I had felt in months! I was going to block everything else out of my mind and just allow myself to feel whatever he made me feel. I would not think I would only react. He would be the puppeteer and I would dance for him, and he could make me into whatever he needed me to be.

The closer I got to the entrance the more I detached from the person I normally am. The everyday...average nice person. I would be someone else tonight. I'd be a sexy, outrageous, hot and desirable woman. It had to be that way because it was all a part of the master plan for revenge. When he and I had first made our plans for our hook-up, I imagined I'd have to detach and zone out so I could be with him and not have him suspect that I was only going through the motions. But then, the more we talked about it and the more he convinced me he wanted to be with me the easier it became to truly want to be with him. The fact that I was going to bed with my friend's husband was the ultimate satisfaction, but the fun was going to be mine and a perk that turned out to fit the plan perfectly.

I was inside the lobby now, and heading toward the elevator. I got on as some other people got off
and pushed the button for the twenty-first floor, heading for room twenty-seven-twenty-two. There were no other patrons in the beautifully decorated hallway. The thick carpet muted my footsteps as I walked to my right and toward my destiny.  There it was. And he was behind that door. Waiting for me. I'd gotten a call from him minutes after I'd left home and he took that opportunity to recount the things we would do when we got together.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked softly on the door. He opened it almost instantly. Smiling at me with that drop dead smile of his he stood there looking at me up and down like a hungry dog eyes a meaty bone.

"Hello Claudette".
"Hello Stanford".

"Come in"....


What are your thoughts and comments? Did you see that coming?

Can't Buy Me Love...Helena's Story

C

an’t buy me love, love, everybody tells me so. Can’t buy me love ..no..no..no..no..no!*  One of the clearest revelations that Helena Clayton had while being confined to her hospital bed was that her husband Stanford had spent the better part of their married life trying to buy her and to keep her bought. She didn’t even have to search the recesses of her mind to arrive at this. Suddenly it just appeared to her as clear as glass that he had constantly paid her off in material possessions, cash, trinkets and gifts and all the while she was either totally clueless or very adept at mastering the art of repression.

The burning question she was now faced with was could she have known all along that the married love she thought they had shared was based on a monetary foundation? And fresh on the heels of that was an even worse possibility; could she have known and chosen to ignore it, opting for the dollar signs and what money could buy?

Arranged marriages and contract alliances don’t even try to disguise the fact that money pays a huge part in their lives together. But for couples who supposedly marry for love and mutual honor and respect are not supposed to put dollar signs in the forefront of their lives. As she recalled the times from their courtship and engagement and their early years as a married couple, she didn’t remember anything significant that may have alerted her to consider trouble ahead because of money, and she didn’t remember Stanford doing anything out of the ordinary. He came from a wealthy family and was used to living a life of privilege.

She was from a middle class family and her parents provided the basic comforts of life for her and her siblings, and although they had many extras such as dance and piano lessons for the girls, and sports for the boys, it was known that there was a budget that must be kept so that their lifestyle could be maintained. Helena and her sisters Rosalind (Rosie Gal”) and Amy Anne along with her brothers Michael Thomas (“Pooch”) and Alexander Joseph (“JoJo”) appreciated the few luxuries her parents could afford and none of then ever took anything for granted. They may not have belonged to the upper crust of society like the Claytons, but her Mom and Dad were honest salt of the earth people who did their best for them and loved each other without indiscretion and were still Mr.& Mrs. Thomas Joseph Yancey for nearly sixty years.

Her daughter had delivered the message from Stanford about him being sorry and all. The thing is Helena could believe it. She felt the ring of truth to his appeal. And she had faced the cold, awful, damning truth about herself; that she was ultimately responsible for what had happened. She had pushed the envelope over the edge by first of all having the affair with Griffin, while knowing that he and Stanford were “acquainted”, and worst of all by admitting to sleeping with another man. She had played with fire by dangling the affair in front of her friends…her very best friends who had given her unfailing support always and even in this terrible mess had proven to still love her without interruption.

She had not only thrown all caution to the wind and danced with danger by not trying to be discreet so the rage that her husband had felt and its subsequent effects came as no surprise to her, but that didn’t mean she condoned violence and the physical injury he had caused her, but it did mean she could understand his hurt and his pain because she was the inflictor. She had every intention of forgiving him and dropping all charges against him in court and going back home if he wanted her.

If he had tried to buy her love, wasn’t she just as wrong if she willingly allowed him to continue doing it? Shouldn’t she have talked to him about it and let him know that the money and privilege was nowhere near as important to her as he was? Instead she had let him think for years that without the huge house and all of its appointments, the new cars, the unsupervised spending on shopping trips, luxury vacations and the prestige of being Mrs. Stanford Clayton were the basis for her living. She fell in love with him right after they first met and has loved him ever since.

Her affair happened because she was an attention hog. It had to always be about her, and because her hard-working husband was working 60 hours a week and maybe hadn’t paid as much attention to her as a result, she fell prey (willingly) to a man who paid her a few compliments and noticed her designer outfits and her $100 hairdos. Yes, it’s true what they say about hindsight. There was a lot of hard work ahead if she and her husband could agree to salvage the shreds of their marriage and start over again building them up, and this time money would not play as important a part as it always had.

The sun would shine again in her life and of that she was as sure as she was of who she is: Helena Charlene Yancey Clayton. She was actually excited about becoming a new woman, a better person who would then be ready to be a better wife and friend to her husband. Thank God for grace and mercy and forgiveness, and she would make the first move. She would call her home and speak to her husband and she would be comforted by the familiar sound of his voice. Some things would never change…and for that she was grateful.

*Excerpt from “Can’t Buy Me Love by “The Beatles”.

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The Secret's Out...

 Mature women live with peer pressure, that brings on insecurities and major cases of "wanna be's". I'm Alexis Martin, and I write this blog. I am privy to a lot of information about what's really going on behind closed doors in the houses of my friends because they tell me. And I'm telling you (not because I'm a gossip or anything, right?) Well, I never really cared for Helena. Sure we have been friends for a number of years but truth be told, I have never actually bonded with her. I can count on one hand the times we have been alone together. It seems as if we always have one of our friends with us because let's face it...we need a buffer zone.

 I have even told other people that I can't stand her. I don't like having such strong feelings of dislike toward anyone but I'm currently in therapy now trying to work through my emotional distress about a lot of crap, that includes Helena.
Helena's vanity has gotten her into some serious trouble. She is constantly trying to "one-up" everyone around her. Earlier this year, Helena was elected President of her Condo Board. That thrilled her to no end and immediately she went shopping for a new wardrobe of "Power Clothes" and began a one woman campaign to change everything that she didn't like about the neighbors and the building. Little did she know what lay in wait for her.

It was a setup from the beginning. Several neighbors and most of the Board Members did not care for Helena and Clayton. We will disclose exactly what straw broke the camel's back later, but for now just know that they both had on more than one occasion ignored the rules. Neither one of them were social with the neighbors and their grandchildren were discouraged from playing with any of the other kids in the building in the designated play area. Hence, the aversion toward them. They neighbors met covertly on several occasions to get strategic on how to publicly humiliate her. And since it was time to elect a new board President anyway, they agreed this was the ideal situation to launch their attack.  They all knew that neither Helena or Clayton would be the wiser because of the unanimous election simply because both of them had such inflated egos and a sense of entitlement they would be perfect prey.

Vindictiveness carries a big stick! When they staged a perfectly timed and coup against her after a mere six weeks on her throne, she was of course, devastated, and the neighbors were elated at her humiliation. For days Helena would not come around her friends. She tried unsuccessfully to keep this information quiet but hey let's face it...juicy stuff like this cannot be contained. Besides, I don't think she knew that one of the condo board members is distantly related to Claudette and he relayed the story to her and Claudette (who can't keep anything to herself) told me.  She knew I would want to celebrate.

Poor Helena. She is so very conceited and totally clueless that in her mind she rationalized that this was all about her looks.  The women are jealous and the men desirous of her. When she had completely convinced herself of this, she began to feel better and to return to the outside world, but vowing to herself a remake into an even more devastatingly beautiful woman. And so as not to alert her family by using pills or powders or meal shakes, she decided the easiest way to lose weight (those pesky 6 pounds she imagined were bulging on her hips) was to simply throw up after she ate. That way she could continue to behave as she always did (sometimes eating like a lumberjack) and no one would know. Now you all know, this is not the end of the story.

Stay Tuned!!! More to come!!