My Faith in Mankind is Justified

So I had a situation yesterday that was pretty scary, but could have ended up being much worse than it was. I was on my way home from work around 2pm and I guess I had gotten about a third of the way home when I had to stop in traffic behind a vehicle. Well, I applied my brakes with normal pressure that I always use in that amount of usual traffic, but my car did not stop immediately. I had traveled close enough to the rear of the car in front of me to barely avoid a collision, so instantly I glanced over at the next lane where traffic was clear and I switched lanes at a speed just barely above stopping. Her in this lane, I had time to continue to apply my brakes until the car stopped sufficiently at a red traffic light.
All of this took place in an instant. When the traffic light turned green, and I eased off the accelarator, I realized that I had a situation here. I was right in front of a turn-off to a strip mall, so I eased across into the left turning lane and was able to keep going and reach the safety of a large vacant part of the parking lot. I coasted to a full stop in a parking space a few over from where a group of guys that apparently were working for a landscape company seemed to be taking a break.
I got out of the car, and approached the nearest gentleman and asked for his help. I described what had just happened, and asked him to take a look at the brake fluid jug under the hood of my car. He readily agreed and proceeded to do just that. After a careful inspection of the jug's contents (which were not comletely empty) he then got down on the ground on took a closer look at my brake pads. When he told me they looked fine, I asked him to drive the cr around a bit close by and give me his thoughts on how the brakes felt to him, and this is just what he did. As he drove around a few empty parking spaces, I listened carefully and not once did I hear any of the noises that usually accompany worn brake linings or pads. When he brought the car back around, he gave me his honest opinion on what he had diagnosed as the problem...a fluid leak.
Okay; so there was an auto mechanic shop on the street acrossfrom the strip mall, and I figured I could make it there, so I thanked the young man, shook his hand and told him with God's help I would make it up there safely...which is just what I did. The auto shop manager offered to take a look at my car to diagnose the problem, but I had to decline for several reasons...ready cash flow and the possibility of having to "store" my car there until the cash flow improved. Next, I went outside and sat in my car and phoned my insurance agent to arrange for towing the car to my house. That procedure was executed rather seamlessly and to my satisfaction and not only was the agent at the insurance company cordial and handled things in a prompt way, but the third party company that actually dispatched the truck was the same.
After that was taken care of and I had taken notice of the time and done some mental calculations, I phoned my daughter-in-law to let her know what was going on and to arrange to have her stop by and pick me up after gathering the grandkids from school. The time frame that we were working in was a perfect fit for her. Satisfied that I had things under control, I texted my daughter-in-law in Virginia and brought her up to speed on things, assuring her I was fine and that events were in motion to handle the issues.
Feeling satisfied with all of these events, I moved the car to a more convienient location to a Bank of America parking lot (which was just across the driveway from the auto shop) so it would be easy for the truck operator to load my Debbie (my car is named Debbie) on the rollback. I went inside and spoke to the manager; explaining the situation to him and asking if I could use their restroom facilities. Not only was he extremely cordial but he invited me to make myself comfortable in one of the seating areas, offered meice-cold water and invited me to let him know if there was anything else he could do for me. After freshening up in the restroom, and enjoying the water, I made use of his offer and settled down to wait the forty minutes I'd been advised of from the towing company's operator.
I read a magazine, and played around with my phone apps and the time went by swiftly. The next thing I knew, I was getting a call from the driver telling me he was about to pull into the bank parking lot. Not only was he well within the time frame I had been given, but he was friendly and efficient and allowed me to ride with him to my house. When I discovered I'd be riding along with him, I changed the pickup plan with my daughter-in-law and asked her to meetme back at my house instead.
Allow me to recap. Listed here are the people who initially were all strangers to me who responded to my asking for help, treated me with respect and dignity, and did so with a smile. 1.) The gentleman at the strip mall parking lot   2.) The manager at the auto shop  3.) The agent at the insurance company  4. ) The dispatcher at the truck company  5.) The bank manager
Five strangers who helped me to accept and deal with an unpleasant and inconvienient situation with a smile and an honest attitude. Thank God for all of them; may he richly bless each one in turn. Our paths may never cross again, but I will enjoy telling this story many times over in the future because not only did I get the responses I expected but because I believe in the inherent goodness of God's people.

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Modern Day Designing Women

Does that title remind you of the popular 1980"s television show that portrayed four women in business for themselves? Yes, I'm sure it does! During the eighties era, most of us in the fifty something age group were in the middle of our third decade, and so we do have memories of lots of stuff from that time..big hair, leg warmers and leotards, high top sneakers and memorable television shows like Designing Women, Golden Girls, Murder, She Wrote, The Cosby Show and Miami Vice to name a few. But this is not about a walk down memory lane, but I want to talk about those of us women who are designing in an entirely different way; one that concerns the use of the word in not so flattering ways.

Manipulation and control issues are two unattractive traits that plaque us women today. Let's add in headstrong, self centered and tunnel vision and viola; we have quite a mix going on here! Most of us will agree that a positive and outgoing personality is a plus in today's society. We operate our own businesses, we are  CEO's CF O's and CO O's of major corporations, hold high level positions in government and have earned the name"Every Woman".  So, wouldn't it be an advantage to have a strong, healthy and extroverted persona? Of course all those traits are good and have their own uses and they can be  plus factors, but its when they are abused and taken way out of their intended description, and rather than enhance one's personality they are used as weapons. We have taken the Type A personality way out in left field and given it a bad name nowadays. Instead of being an asset it is very often considered a turn-off.

It's perfectly fine to assume the role of aggressive go-getter in today's world. Knowing what you want and how to get it is admirable. But, it is not permissible to club others over the head with our over-aggressiveness and headstrong attitudes. When we become single-minded in pursuit of our goals, or we use others as a means to an end, trust me; when we do it is NOT cool and it is NOT okay to say that "the end justifies the means". No sir, when we attain any amount of success or good fortune from stepping on the toes and riding the backs of others, that success becomes tainted and can lead to no good end.

The same principle can apply to how we regard and treat our friends. Friendship is one of the most important parts of our lives and its contributions to a healthy and prosperous life are many. Friends are the people we call on when we need a physical presence in our lives to comfort, listen to, and yes, even get advice from. Friends should be like family in that they should be loved and respected. How can we respect these special people in our lives when we use them to further our own agendas? When we hide behind a smile that doesn't quite reach our eyes and is totally false? Or, when we take something said out of context, betray a confidence and forget them when we have attained the success we so passionately sought after?

Ladies and gentlemen changes are bound to happen. The world has changed from three decades ago, and I can guarantee that it will be a changed place ten years from now. Change is progressive and necessary amid its uncomfortableness. But there is one thing that should not change no matter how ultra-modern the world becomes, and that's personal integrity and standards of excellence. Every human being should have a personal code of ethics that they live by on a daily basis. This code should always play a front and center role in our dealings with people. And outside of business we should extend that code to family, friends and anyone we meet and deal with. In other words, we can simplify it by saying that "never do behind closed doors what you can't do in front of an open one". Meaning, what really matters is what we do when no one is looking at us and the Golden Rule"Do unto others as we would have them do unto us".

Never use your friends to do anything that you wouldn't do yourself. Don't put them in compromising positions that threaten their own code of ethics. Don't scowl on an innocent friend who wants to help out but doesn't know how, and please don't ever try to bully or intimidate someone into doing your bidding or agreeing with you. Think of giving and not just getting. Self interest designs are faulty and they don't hold up very well under pressure. Severe cracks will develop in the foundation of anything built on this premise, and that self-serving tunnel vision can blind you to what lies ahead around the bend in the road.

Its always best to be fair and square when dealing with people from all walks of life. You will never go wrong when your  blueprints are carefully drawn out and the models you use are common decency, respect, love, admiration and true compassion as your template for a wonderful and enjoyably successful life!

F.O.C.U.S. Finding Our Center Under Stress

Women have juggled their time and themselves for years trying to find an acceptable work/life balance. Most of us have been quite successful at doing so. And included under the umbrella of “family” is being a wife in addition to Mother and homemaker. Actually, if we were illustrating an organizational chart, those neat little squares might read something like this:

Put the FOCUS  on YOU!

 Business Woman and/or Homemaker

Chauffeur/ Sports Mom/Volunteer

Daughter/Sister/Friend Confidante

Woman/Wife

And so many women; especially the wives and mothers in the 30-45 year old category find themselves in a pattern just like this one. A vast majority work outside of the home either independently, or as an employee in some area, but as an aside being a full time homeworker is a 24 hr. a day job. These wives and moms are so occupied with their children and keeping the home fires burning, and wearing the daughter and sibling hat. Then there are the numerous extra-curricular activities with the children, and being the secret keeper for our friends. Sadly, being a woman and a wife comes last on the never-ending list of “things to do”. Now, if there is a wife and mother out there that can dispute this theory, then I would think that is fantastic!

What I would like to effectively point out is that society has placed a great deal of this burden on women. There is social peer pressure (the need to conform to some standards that have been dictated by socio-economic variables) and there is the self-imposed standard (the individual family dynamic) that is existential to the social aspect. There are two separate and demanding sets of requirements that are essential to the family. Although they are sometimes conflicting and seemingly impossible to meet the personal drive to give it the ole college overrides any deterrent.

No woman sets out to intentionally put herself last on the totem pole. Life happens and that’s usually the way it ends up. After the honeymoon and she settles into a comfortable routine, she becomes a mother. She takes a leave of absence from the job she dreamed of having; the one she worked hard to land so that she can be a full time Mom and get the children off to a great start in life. This is the most common reason why a successfully educated working woman takes a break from the working world.

Of course there are several other reasons. Economic situations and job related issues are just two others. Whatever the reason, once Mom comes home for an extended period of time, the harder it is for her to return. Once her uniform of the day becomes jeans and tee shirts, it’s hard for her to resume wearing tailored business suits and high heels as her daily mode of dress. What a significant number of these women wish for is unknown to their husbands and probably most of their friends and family. They don’t share this because some don’t want to seem ungrateful or they worry that they might appear to be selfish. What am I saying? Just that a significant number of women ages 30-45 who are currently out of the public worksphere are actually are ready to go back to their outside jobs.

And it’s not only for the paycheck (although that could be reason enough), but for several other reasons; all of them valid and totally realistic. Let me list a couple. She may want the daily interaction of adult conversation about some things other than what new curtains she can purchase for the living room, and she may want to use the college degree she worked so hard to earn. At the top of the list is maybe she wants to spend money that she earned.

A generous husband and a wonderful family provider is a true blessing. And on the flip side of the coin, there are lots of wives who do prefer to remain off the public work market. They have a deep sense of fulfillment as a full time Mom and place the welfare of their family as their top priority. No one can say which woman is right or wrong. Does the woman who dreams about going back to her Engineering job, or her Paralegal position, or her Marketing Consultant Firm seem selfish? Does the stay at home Mom seem non-assertive or passive?

There is no black or white here. This is filled with varying shades of gray and all of them are plausible and personal and conform to each individual family dynamic. No one looking in from the outside has the right to judge. Living in the role of acrobatic juggler just to keep a family going is hard enough without others offering up criticism about something that is none of our business anyway. Family members outside of the household and friends who “mean well” need to step aside and mind your own business. If you are going to toss in your two cents worth anyway, then make it something positive or uplifting. If you are in the role of friend or family member and you just can’t seem to keep your mouth shut, then stay at home!

My hat is off to the 21^st century ultra-modern day working Mother/Woman/Wife. I salute you and all that you do! But just one little parting bit of encouragement and simply an “FYI”…be sure to make time for yourself and please…make time to be with your hubby. Don’t always put “woman/wife” at the bottom of your organizational chart. Invest in a reliable nanny or part time sitter so you can enjoy some “you” time alone and the occasional date night with the man you share your life with. It’s a solid investment and one that can only bring you huge dividends and fabulous return!