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Monday, January 2, 2012

Private Party

Private Party...Claudette was telling me the other day about a man she had dated some time back in her life and how for some reason thoughts of him had resurfaced in her mind. This was how they had described their times spent together. She thought it was quite amusing to reminisce about this man since she now had the freedom from her past with him to do so without longing for him. We were just lounging about, enjoying some good wine and some girl talk when she brought the subject up. "Mr. X"was her steady man for about five (5) years consistently, and then for about two (2) more years inconsistently and then he was gone never to return in a romantic way.

The decision to break off this affair with another woman's husband was hers. She finally came to her senses and upon the serious stand her children took with her to take charge of her own life and stop being a part-time mistress, she found the necessary wherewithal to turn her back on him and their long-time illicit alliance. Not only was she taking the advice of her children, but she had an epiphany that reminded her of her wrong doing and after confessing her sins, she put the whole mess behind her.

They had spent so much time together they could have actually been a married couple. He was in love with her and he was in love with his wife, and she loved him beyond loving her own self. He had been good to her financially and he did things around her house...helpful things just like he was her husband. For years, she lived in a make-believe world where what they did was not wrong, and where she felt justified in being with him during the stolen times together. They did not hide this affair; not even from his wife. He continued to see her, to travel with her uninteruppted and all even after Mrs. X found them out.

The Private Party in their own private world was magical for her and I guess if magic applies to men it was for him too. They felt as though they were soul mates. Sure, as most married men do in an extramarital relationship he talked about leaving his wife and coming to live with her, and at that time nothing would have made her happier. Absolutely no thought was given as to the condition of her own soul and there were times in her own ignorance and selfishness that she even asked God to give him to her. Talk about the devil at work...whew!!

Claudette is relieved that she can look back and see how much she has grown and how she can just talk about the situations in her life that led her to where she is now...secure in the knowledge that she is a transformed woman. We shared a few really good laughs over the stories she told me during her trip down memory lane. This trip was not one of nostalgia or longing, but one of retrospect and personal goals.

We all must grow, and although I didn't know her when she was involved with Mr. X, I celebrated with her the changes she has made for the better in her life. We need to be a cheering squad for our friends. Sure, it's very important to support each other when we have problems and heartbreaks, but it is equally important that we give our friends and sisters an "atta girl" or a "you go sista" when there are conquests, and breakthroughs. Let them know how proud we are of them for breaking bad habits, overcoming addictions, breaking through strongholds in their lives. We should press on with them so they can have something to hold on to ...a reinforcement if you will.

Private Party...I don't think that my friend Claudette will attend another of these kind of parties under these circumstances again in her lifetime. Once was enough for her, and I love her for her committment to God and to herself. Rock on my friend! Rock on!

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