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Thursday, January 5, 2012

Men Say (and do) The Darndest Things...

Because we (as women) sometimes refer to the men in our lives as our "Big Babies", and others of us think that nearly all men think on a child's level when it comes to emotions, expressing themselves, etc.,then that's why this post is titled after the lovable television show "Kids Say the Darndest Things". I'd like to share with you some of the head-scratching, eye-rolling and simply "I don't have a clue what's going on with you" stuff that I have heard first-hand from some men I have known.

One of my old-time favorites was something that my old friend Fletch said to me. He definitely danced to the beat of a different drum. Anyway, Fletch got himself a new cell phone (his very first one) and after he had been using it for a couple of weeks, I asked him if he had set up his voice mail. He said that he had not done so. Naturally my next question was "why not"? to which he replied without so much as blinking his eye "I don't recognize that woman's voice on the phone". To which I asked"what woman?' And he said "You know, the woman's voice that says "This voicemail box has not been set up". It took me about a full minute to grasp what he meant! OMG!

Then, a male friend of mine whom I had considered dating actually told me that he was attracted to me because I looked so much like his deceased wife. And after we had several conversations with each other, he said that we liked some of the same things and places. Too weird for me...needless to say that didn't last long with this guy. I had no desire to be a substitute wife or always be reminded that I reminded him of her!
Okay, next up is a guy I met through one of my old neighbors; actually it was his sister that got us talking when he would come to visit her and her husband. Now this man took "laughter is the best medicine" to a whole new level. I mean, he laughed all the time...at everything he said and everything I or anyone else in the room said. He took humor to a new level without really being funny. Now he really enjoyed playing the sweepstakes games and one day I went along with him. I was determined not to invest no more than a fiver, but on this occassion he won $35 but he had invested $50 in play and of course he was laughing and happy about his winnings. I asked him about it and he said "well, it's okay as long as I don't lose more than I win". Huh? You play $50, and you win $35. Isn't that a $15 loss people? But I could not convince him of this, so finally I gave up!

And lastly, there was this guy with whom I had a phone affair centered around cooking and exchanging recipes. Yea; you heard me right. For six months all we did was talk once a week mostly about what he had cooked and what I had cooked. We each tried some of the other's recipes and we chit-chatted about our respective grandchildren sometimes, but believe me it had gotten exhausting to the point where I just started backing off of the calls.  The clincher with him was when he said that he didn't do a lot of traveling because he had to ("had to" mind you) be there when his grandkids got home from school and he had to have their dinner ready every day on time. We live about an hour and a half away from each other and I wasn't about to be the one who ran up and down the interstate all the time after he made these statements.

And besides his dinner responsibilities, there was the neighbors lawn to look after and I later discovered that the neighbors daughter had the hots for him, and I guess you could say that "a bird in the hand..." meaning she was a lot closer to him than I was.

So I guess you would have had to be there, but I look back and shake my head. But each one of them taught me valuable lessons in their own strange ways, and that lesson is the next time I meet a man who laughs at himself too much, is not techno-savvy, or is tied to his own kitchen...then RUN  and run far far away!

All My Best.

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