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Monday, December 5, 2011

Definitely Maybe...Part Two

We travel everywhere we go with our entourage, and depending on our present frame of mind, or what situations we are in at the moment it can consists of some very persistent and unfortunately loyal friends who are named sharp-edged disappointment, overly vivid imagination, escapism, and commitment phobia. Well that was truly a mouthful right there! But ladies, I speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. The truth is often so hard to see much less acknowledge, even when it right there staring us in the face. Let's visit each one of our friends  in detail to understand how they can engage in a single-minded relentless pursuit of ruin for our lives. I'm talking about those hundreds of women who each day face the looming question in their minds: "To Cheat or Not to Cheat", and I don't mean cheat on a diet either. I'm talking about stepping out on your marriage or to renew a blast from the past to "creep".

Sharp-edged disappointment is the friend that will visit you every night of your life without fail when you are in bed with your spouse and wishing you were somewhere else with that man you're seeing. He's at home sleeping soundly and comfortably with his wife and chances are he's not experiencing one pang of guilt or remorse over his affair. What concerns him most is keeping his wife from finding out. Is this the case 99.75% of the time? Definitely! Men who are in sexual affairs with other women don't process the situation like women do, and he thinks of you as more of a conquest than a possible replacement for his current wife.

Overly vivid imagination is the bosom buddy that attacks you whenever you and your lover man are together. You see what you want to see and hear more of the same. He however, spews his superficiality all over the place like an erupting fountain and you absorb it all up like a dry sponge. Promises, promises, promises! Wake up and smell the coffee ladies! Is this real or is it just a cheaters pillow talk and his way of saying thank you for giving me your cookies and it was a nice change of pace from the kind I have at home? Definitely! The percentage of cheaters who actually are willing to and do commit to the other woman is pitifully low!

Escapism (kinda reminds me of the old skool song by the late and great Grandfather of Soul James Brown) well, here is one of the best destructive friends that goes along for the ride and that wiggles itself into our minds when we want to ignore the harsh reality of what we're up to. Whenever we don't want to think about broken marriage vows, abandoned trust and fidelity and a myriad of other emotions we escape into a fantasy land where the only two people there are us and the lover man. And you know what? Is there any acceptable times in our lives when it's okay to want to live out a fantasy? Maybe. In a healthy mind and in a healthy relationship escapism may work out just fine but not with another woman's husband!

So now we will talk about the last best friend; commitment phobia. This little pesky guy can be a bestie to both women and men. He doesn't want to commit to you because he's either already married, or if he's single and looking, the whole idea of getting into a messy thing with a married woman can be extremely unattractive to him even if your physical appearance and your body lights him up like New Year's Eve at Times Square! Are these odds in your favor that he won't find you worth getting into a whole thing with your husband? Definitely! Is there any chance whatsoever he could turn into your knight in shining armor and ride off with you into the sunset? Maybe. But let me add that this stuff happens more often in the movies than in real life, still at the end of the day the choice is ultimately yours.

Feelings and emotions should not be allowed to lead us around by the nose.We should always count the cost of feeling that vibe we are getting just because a guy looks at us twice, or smiles and says something sweet and tender that can get us going. An extramarital affair is more than a little hiccup in your life. That scarlet "A" is not visible on the outside, but trust that it is etched on an unconfessed and unrepentant heart. When you open the door of your home and welcome your own man home from work with a hug and a kiss, make very, very sure there is nothing hiding inside your spirit you are ashamed of. Let your arms hold him close and inhale the very essence of him because he belongs to you. No strings,no guilt, no shame and no besties looking over your shoulder silently mocking you. Imagine your life without him in it at your own hand, and then think twice more. Is he worth it? Definitely!



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