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Monday, November 28, 2011

Finding Your True North...Part Two

Thanks for coming back for part two...
After our first and what would prove to be our only date, Victor never called me back. That’s not to say that he didn’t talk to me when I called him though; which because I was a modern thinking woman of the 21st century and oh so “hip” as we said back in the day; I didn’t mind at all taking the initiative and calling him. I waited perhaps two days after our first date and our first (and last) kiss and I called him. I was truly glad to hear his sexy voice on the other end, but I had to pretend that I was just calling for friendly chitchat with him, and I wanted to let him know that I was willing to do my part to keep the communication open without coming across as pushy.
Like I said in Part One, it did no good whatsoever for me to pretend nonchalance. True nonchalance cannot be feigned. And if it’s not true, then trust me…guys can pick up on it. Whereas God made women smarter (no doubt as soon as we realize that we are) he gave man infallible radar or a set of invisible antennae that is tuned in to a frequency we cannot detect. You know, sort of like the high shrill of a dog whistle that human ears cannot hear. So, please understand that it’s always best in all matters of romance (no matter the degree; beginning, middle, somewhere near the middle, whatever) not to fake ignorance or indifference or super-coolness. The best way to find your true north here is to take it slow and not push, or try to design a relationship before it has a chance to grow on its own, or do silly and immature things to ingratiate ourselves to   Let me elaborate further. If both the man and the woman in the new stages of romance are truly meant to be together, and their relationship is destined for true love then there is no need for guile. Often times, we do take it to the extremes in trying to one-up the man.
Victor always had an excuse as to why he could not commit to another date. He worked as a car salesman at a large dealership and he told me that part of his job in closing a deal with a customer was to deliver the vehicle o them if they lived in another city. Okay. So what do I know, right? Could have been true, but the third time he told me he was delivering a car to a woman in Atlanta, Georgia I have to admit that I became suspicious. Just a tad.  So naturally I made inquiries of him about this seemingly odd set of circumstances. He stuck to his guns and adopted the attitude that said” Well, it’s my lie and I’m sticking to it”. After about three conversations on this same subject the porch lights came on and I finally got it.
Ladies, what I’m trying to say by telling this story is that first and foremost we must be true to ourselves in everything that we do. We cannot allow ourselves to be influenced by society that says a woman simply must be connected to a man in order not to be branded an undesirable and making us fall prey to unrequited love. We must have our own dreams to pursue, and be a woman in our own right with or without a man. We must focus on and find our “True North” by not allowing anyone to dictate to us what we should and should not be in our own lives, and if that means being single then let us be single because it is after all a choice we made. There is no brand on our foreheads that defines us as an outcast if we aren’t married or engaged or in an exclusive relationship.
The truth is we underestimate our own self worth, and that has got to stop. Young women, middle aged women, older women…we all have one thing in common…we are beautiful, successful, worthy, intelligent and sensual beings just because of the uniqueness of each one of us. There is no two exactly alike on the planet and that in and of itself is special. As I began to admit to myself that Victor was playing me along, I was terribly hurt and confused. Hurt was a natural reaction and I guess confusion was an extra that came along for the ride. The first thing I thought was “What’s wrong with me? What did I do wrong?” Another mistake we make is to automatically put the blame on ourselves when a man walks away because we have not fully identified ourselves in our own right. Facing the truth of betrayal means facing some truths about ourselves. Turn the compass of your life around and point it “north”. Why north? Because north points upward and in a way it can also mean “pointing ahead”. Pointing ourselves and our lives north plots a course for growth and growth leads up to personal satisfaction.
When we allow men to define who we are for a temporary pleasure ride, we are unaware of the price we will have to pay. There are no refunds or exchanges on our pride and our respect. Once we lose it to a faulty relationship it takes a lot of hard work and determination to rebound, which means we should be all the more careful and caring for it as if it were precious gold.  
Face the weaknesses and the insecurities  that may be lurking in the recesses of your life, causing you to doubt all that is in you and then they can be moved aside and left behind as you stay the course charting a bright, happy and fulfilling life… your life.



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